Extended Agony @ Roundhouse

When you hear about a Swedish proto new-wave nu-metal band who actively lobby for the complete eradication of shadows worldwide, you go to their first UK show. Roundhouse was the venue and I, through some good old-fashioned journalistic string-pulling/the false promise of Parliament’s backing, managed to secure an interview with the radical outfit before the gig began.  

Extended Agony arrived in what can only be described as a van, as vans only can be. They hopped out, yet seemed like they shouldn’t have. It took me a second to notice, in the swathes of sunset’s light, that this group were shadowless. Not in any sort of metaphorical sense, but literally, shadowless. I hadn’t seen a Swede since the change was implemented. 

Last month, as was heavily documented, Sweden became the first country to wholly eliminate shadows. “To embrace the future, we must shun the past,” Prime Minister Ulrika Jonsson said when the generators switched on. “By destroying all shadows,” she continued, “all of those shit primitive sun dials have, finally, become obsolete! We can break them down, now justly and with good reason, to repurpose them in to useful things like more parking spaces or outdoor water features.”  

I sat down with the band in their dressing room (which only had one working light near the east wall, not that that would affect their sans-shadow living) and we got to chatting. 

Jensen Chutney (This is the writer of the piece; what a funny name! – Not Yet Music) 

Hi guys. How’s it going? 

Extended Agony 

Pretty bad, actually. Being in a band called Extended Agony is just as it sounds! No, but seriously, quite bad. 

JC 

Why? You’re doing your first show in the UK – isn’t this cause for celebration? 

EA 

It would be, but as soon as we got off the plane we saw all of your citizens, followed by their shadows. We couldn’t help but think about how many sundials were around, continuing to tell the time in a manner no one can read. It really fucked us off.

JC 

That seems like a strange thing to get hung up on. But Sweden have always led progression, so maybe we’ll get there one day. 

EA 

That day can’t come soon enough. Don’t you hate being forever stalked by your own horrible creation? Your body destroys light, and in its wake is a cold, dark husk. And all those, you know, fucking sundials, just sitting there completely uselessly, when instead there could be a small chair or room for someone to stand – albeit with their legs close together – and be unhampered by a personal, attached gloom. 

JC  

I don’t think I’ve quite noticed, really. Anyway, let’s talk about the albu- 

EA 

You’ve noticed, you just won’t accept it. Sundials are shit and shadows keep them around. I’m sorry, is there something you’re missing?  

JC 

I don’t think there is anything wrong with sundials, personally.  

EA 

Right, of course. I suppose you don’t think there is anything wrong with hoax calling the emergency services either. Let’s all dial 999 and tell them THEY have a pineapple up THEIR arse, that would be your dream! 

JC 

No not at all. Where is the connection between sundials and prank calling? 

EA 

It’s all waste and it’s all the same, except sundials are the worst example of it. I don’t intend to spend my days trying to figure out what the absence of light on a stone circle is supposed to mean, and neither should anyone else. In fact, I’m starting to think that your promise of Parliamentary support was a lie. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have a show.

~~~~~~~~~~

They stood up in a huff and left. They ended up having to wait in the wings for a while, because when they stormed out there was still 30 minutes left before their set started. That was funny, but the show was not. 90 minutes of rallying for a shadowless reality was met with resistance from the audience. They only played one song and it wasn’t even an original; a cover of ‘You Suffer’ by Napalm Death. It was the only three seconds of music all night. 

They may have been intent on making the crowd ignite, but as a band Extended Agony were absent, useless and a waste of space – a little bit like a certain something they were trying to rid the world of (I won’t say what, as nuance is a key part of effective writing). 

Written by Jensen Chutney